I am Magdalene, a victim of circumstance.
I want to make my story precise so that I can get advice on how best to help myself, I am falling off..!
I got married at the age of 32 when other suitors seemed unavailable and unusually disinterested in me. I married my husband not necessarily because I loved him, I married because I was growing old and all the men I had in my life where not ready to settle down and age was winning me in the race of life's expectations and achievements.
Before Mr. Evaristus came on board and we got married, I had a childhood friend (Pius) who was everything to me, he was the perfect example of the type of man I ever thought or dreamt of; he was loving and caring, even when he was not financially responsible.
Pius was happy when I got married because on many occasions, he would say "Baby, you know I love you so much but I am incapacitated by financial constraints and age is worsening matters, please baby, you can accept marriage with anyone else that you love". Those words were heart breaking but I saw a sincere man in him and I knew his intentions were genuine . He was not selfish.
Fast forward into eight months after my wedding which Pius attended, my husband traveled for a conference in Owerri from Enugu where we lived. He was to return after three days. Immediately, I called Pius to come over and visit me, I never thought of anything else apart from having a good time with him. I was bereft of the sense of a second thought "what if..?". Pius who had come in from Port Harcourt, awaiting the departure of my husband, immediately located my house, I welcomed him and we moved in.
Shortly after, while in bed with my childhood boyfriend, I discovered that I was having my back against something hard on the bed, lo and behold, it was my husband's phone. Thoughts quickly ran through my mind "does it mean that he forgot his phone?", did he drop it intentionally since he has two?". To the former, my mind quickly discarded and settled for the latter. I took the phone out of the bed and continued.
In the middle of an affectionate lovemaking, I perceived the fragrance of my husband's perfume, behold I was in trouble. He had come for his phone, he used his keys to gain access into the apartment. He came in and saw us together but simply left and sat in the parlour unnoticed. When it appeared we were not finishing anytime soon, he came and simply asked the guy to dress up and leave his house. He was just so simple and undisturbed. My friend left panting, begging and worried.
I expected my husband to shut off his brains, yell at me or even get him arrested. To my greatest shock, non of these happened. He asked for his phone which I gave. He closed the door behind him and left finally for the conference. He called to inform me when he arrived, he was so open that he told me how the vehicle he traveled in was involved in an accident.
I was dead inside, I thought he was already preparing for my burial. Days later, he returned with lots of flowers and gifts for me and items for the house. On many occasions, I tried apologizing but he replied me with these words "Honey, please, I don't want to talk about it, let it die, I cannot undo what was done already, just avoid future occurrences". I could not sleep most nights, I didn't want to be murdered in my sleep. I stayed up to experience how I will die, but nothing negative happened.
Why I put up this story is the shocking news I got days back "Honey, here are the tickets, we are spending the 2020 Christmas in Spain, our papers and visas are ready". I can't understand it..! Does it mean he doesn't get angry or that he doesn't love me?
I am totally devastated. I am dying within me. I need him to shout at me and be angry. I want him to beat me and show me how bad he feels. I need that forgiveness from him. I have long sworn never to do such again but how will he know this? He has not given me any opportunity to say anything concerning this matter. I am dying inside of me.